Calliope (calliope1975) wrote,
Calliope
calliope1975

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Visit #3: Diagnosis – Sane

 

Okay, maybe not. But Dr. Janet did say I was getting better. She said she could tell that some weight had been lifted. I can agree with that; I think it might just be getting some of the anger and pain out. Just talking and not hiding inside myself as much as I used to.

 

One of her theories (what I call them) is that I have such a hard time taking pills (horrid gag reflex – though only with pills) is because my voice was squelched when I was little, thus blocking that area of my body.

 

I’m skeptical of everything, so sure, whatever, but here is what I find interesting. When I was around 12 – 13, which were the years that my psyche got really bad and was the time of my first suicide attempt, I remember wanting to just scream at people to see me and my pain. I did things that were a blatant cry for help. And people heard me. However, I was also quite adept at lying and denial. My parents took me to a therapist; I lied right to his face and he believed me.

 

I wanted help, but I wasn’t ready to accept it. Even as a young teen, I buried things deep and refused to admit it even as it made me a mess. In short, teenagers are weird and are in no way able to make decisions for themselves.

 

She only did a half session and congratulated me on my teeny baby steps at changing my diet. I did go to the gym. And she told me to save up my energy since I was having gum surgery again.

 

I go back next Wednesday.

Tags: doctor
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