Calliope (calliope1975) wrote,

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1st Visit - Back in the Garden

Having spent the last 20 years in a perisistent clinically depressed state, and the past few months attempting to determine the best way to kill myself with the least muss, I am now seeing a new doctor. She's holistic and was pretty much forced on me by a coworker. That's not a bad thing. I'm going to keep a record of my visits and hopefully, my progress as well. 

I drive just a mile or so away from work into a residential neighborhood and find the house. I start to think it's weird that I'm going to see a doctor in a house and not in an actual office type building. Begin to briefly freak. Suck it up and go.
I go through the gate into the backyard. Almost laugh at this not being the right house and getting arrested for breaking and entering. There's a guest house in the back. Am amused that the entire house and guest house are on a lot smaller than my entire parent's home in WA. Marvel that this is Los Angeles and CAians are weird.
I go around to the front of the house and see a black kitty chilling on the patio. Pet kitty because that's what I do. The door opens and a tiny woman answers and introduces herself. I fill out some paperwork, then she sits and we chat. She's a bit hippiesh but not in a nut way. She talks about focusing on my energy and looking at all aspects of my life. She says she'll throw a lot at me, but then we'll work to narrow it down to do what's right for me.
She asks how the depression is manifesting and I tell her I sleep all the time and I'm obsessive. I'm also kinda stuck - job, home, etc. She says I would have been a good heroin addict and that sleep is probably the better of the two. I muse on this as I've never thought what my drug of choice would be if I had one.
After a bit of talk, she says I've been living in a fog. She's not against drugs, but she thinks my diet is so bad and I've been suppressing all my emotion so the drugs wouldn't work even if they could. She said seratonin (to make you non-depressed) is created in the colon and then travels to the brain. Since I a) don't eat and b) eat crappy food, my colon is all ooky without the good bacteria. So the drugs have to fight through all that to work, and she said I'd have to be hooked up to an IV 24/7 for them to be effective.
We go into a room where I disrobe (but keep all the undies on) and put on a gown. I lay on my stomach and she does a few adjustments on my back. (Her MD is in Chiropracic Care) She begins pushing on different areas of my body and asks if it hurts and how much. I have a bunch of pain on my left booty muscle and near the top of my spine. She tells me I'm hunching over a lot and it's beginning to show - my hump. I tell her my old chiropractor used to have me roll up a towel, place it between the base of my neck and shoulders. She said to start doing that again.

She begins comparing me to a volcano. Saying that the pressure is building up - in my uterine area - but that she doesn't want me to "blow". So she's going to start "poking holes". The whole time, she doing pressure points and making adjustments. I already feel more aligned. She says I have a lot of power in my arms and suggests I join a softball team. I agree but really think that that's not going to happen.
We talk about my nerd quirks and that I'm on the computer interacting with peeps I don't know. She says she won't take away my computer or TV but says I have to get a better chair and tells me about an ergonomic mouse that is upright so you don't get the "mouse hand" that I'm paranoid about. We talk about exercise and that my metabolism is jacked and I'm gaining weight because I'm not eating.
I lay on my back and she presses between the boobs but closer to the left one and it hurts.  A lot. She asks about my tattoos and tells me that they aren't me. Wants to know what I would get if I were to get another. I'm a bit baffled since I picked out the flowers for both of them. She again says they aren't me. She does some more adjustments and talks about being a volcano and compares me to a Hawaiian goddess. Pele. (I need to do some more reading on her.) She says she's going to give me a new name - Pele - and that this goddess is strong, passionate and is tied to the volcano in Hawaii that I can't remember the name of. Pele always makes me think of the soccer player but I vow to do some research tomorrow.
She asks me if I've ever thrown things. I haven't. Hit someone. Nope. Wanted or had shot a gun. Have thought about it but not seriously. She wants me to buy cheap plates and find a place to throw and break them. Apparently these places exist in China. We decide that we would rake the money in if we opened a theraputic place for people to break things.
She asks if I understand everything and agree. I agree. She asks if I would tell her if I did not agree. I say probably not. I then say that the softball team thing won't be happening. But then I think that my friend Jeremy had talked about going to a batting cage and it really interested me. She said there you go. Don't break plates - hit baseballs.
I get dressed. She shows me a bit of info about Pele. And she will eventually want to refer me to a nutritionist/herbologist/somethingist I can't remember and a therapist. But not right now. All those people work on Saturday which is good, but it will cost money. She says to be mindful of my budget but to not be afraid to ask the parents for money. (Heh. Hint.) But I've got some saved so I'm okay for now.
We talk only a tad bit about diet and I explain how picky I am. She says I might end up taking more supplements b/c my diet sucks and I'm picky. I'm going back next Monday. Here's my homework - my progress:
1.    Soak in Epsom salts - need to buy (but she said I didn't have to tonight b/c it's hot here)
2.    Keep a food diary - will start tomorrow
3.    Essential Fatty Acids (Eskimo 3/Natural Stable Fish Oil) - take 2 capsules 3x a day (will start tomorrow)
4.    Test vertical mouse - will hook up tomorrow (she had me take home the vertical mouse to try out/hope I don't break it!!)
5.    Towel roll - will do after I get off computer before going to bed
6.    Go to gym 1 day a week (Sunday in the AM this week) - I think I can manage this one. (She said even if only 30 minutes on treadmill. And if I'm so inclined, go Wed. afternoon, but only focus on Sunday's right now.)
Man, that's a lot.
Tags: doctor, holistic
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